Project Development Part One - Script Writing

After weeks of thinking and experimenting with different techniques, I have finally managed to settle on an idea for this project. I knew the thematic for quite a while now it was just execution that really boggled my mind. In the end I settled down on doing a video essay, one telling my story and representing the themes I wish to convey. I gave it the title: Escapism. I believe this title represents the video perfectly.

Before tackling the visual elements of my video essay, I first wanted to write a script, knowing I planned to include a voice over. After sitting down and reviewing my initial research, I was able to get the script drafted. However, while finalising it, I had to trim a significant portion, as I didn't want the final video to exceed 40 minutes. Part of me wishes I had made it longer, but I recognise that exhibition visitors likely wouldn't have time to devote 40 minutes to viewing it. Nonetheless, I'm quite pleased with the final script and can't wait to bring the entire project together!

I have already began recording my voice overs for the video and its been a really enjoyable process, although I did struggle with recording longer clips. I have used the sound recorder app on windows for my voice overs, which is a very straightforward recording software.

One thing I messed up on while recording is the fact that I wasn't actively renaming my clips, which made it into a hell once I had to organise them in my folders.

Script: Escapism

There’s a strange comfort in being nowhere. No walls to press against you. No clocks to remind you of the hours slipping by. Just infinite, pixelated horizons. You press a key, and your feet move. You press another, and you’re free. Free from your room. Free from your thoughts. Free from everything.

But freedom is a curious thing.

When the world outside closed its doors, I opened another. One with sprawling fields, endless skies, and strangers who became my closest friends. A place where I was not just myself - I was Wen Celestee.

In this place, I could breathe again. I could feel again. And yet… I was slipping further away.

This is a story about escape. About finding sanctuary in a digital world… and about losing yourself in it.

But before we delve any deeper, let's start from the very beginning, shall we?

COVID 2020: Isolation

On march 23rd, 2020, the COVID lockdown was officially put in place.

At the time I was still just a 15 year old, mid way through year 10. It was an extremely difficult time to many, suddenly everyone had to adjust to this new way of living - no going out, no working, no anything outside of the constrains of your own house.

I recall moving into a new house back then, I had barely any furniture, and slept on the floor for many months before I was able to finally order a bed.

I recall feeling extremely depressed, the routine was getting to me after some time, or rather, the lack of it. I barely slept, everyday laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, wondering if there was any meaning to it all.

I lost contact with my school friends during that time, I was isolated, more than ever.

Background

I always played video games, it was a nice way of detaching myself from the world, distract myself from things that I deemed too difficult to process. And it was exactly during COVID when I decided to pick up a new game, Final Fantasy XIV from a Japanese video game company Square Enix.

When I first picked up the game I knew nothing about it. FFXIV, as the title states, is the fourteenth instillment in the Final Fantasy series, however, I was soon to discover that it is not a direct continuation. The Fourteenth is the only game from Square Enix that is an MMORPG (multiplayer online role playing game).

I played MMORPG previously, and my first impressions were mediocre. The game had a lot to compete against, for example one of the industry giants, World of Warcraft, dominated the MMORPG market for many many years.

Beginnings

So, I paid for the monthly subscription fee, created my very own character, a Miqo'te Bard, and gave her a name - Wen Celestee.

Wen, or Wennie (a nickname given to me), means many things to me. She is not simply me, or another version of me, she is far more. My relationship with this character is complex, she changed and grew throughout the years just as much as I have. I like to think of her as a reflection of my life, a friend I always wished I had, a protector of some sort.

FFXIV succeeded in the aspects that World of Warcraft failed, not only through its moving world building, but additionally it had and arguably still has one of the most welcoming and caring communities out there. Despite playing MMORPG for years by that point, I have never actually interacted with the players I've seen running around within the digital world, which is quite funny if you think about - one could argue that the social aspects of MMORPGs makes the genre truly stand out.

I always seen myself as a lone wolf, after all I didn't need people, I was perfectly contained with being the bystander, watching people having fun from afar, never involving myself with anyone. Well, that changed soon enough once I joined my first FC (Free Company), a FFXIV way of calling guilds.

A "guild" in a MMORPG is a group of players who band together to form a community within the game, allowing them to cooperate on quests, raids, and other activities, often with a shared goal and leadership structure, providing a social aspect to the gameplay.

I always felt intimidated by this very concept, but after seeing a message in the chat from a newly formed FC, "Fish Meets Rice", I thought why not? It is a silly name, and it was just formed it can't have that many members. So I joined, and little did I know how much these people would impact my life through out COVID.

Sushi Meets Rice

It is hard to describe Sushi Meets Rice in one word, but if I had to, I would describe it as a family. Those were wonderful people and I will cherish the memories we made forever.

I still remember the very first day I joined the FC. I was greeted by the FC leader, Barbatos Lupus who explained that he created this space with his brother to help out new players feel at home within this digital world. He encouraged me to join their Discord server, witch was meant to keep us all informed about events hosted by the FC as well as keep us all connected outside of the game.

I recall joining the discord server out of curiosity, there I was greeted by the rest of the members and encouraged to write a small introduction.

After hours of writing, rewriting, and stressing out about such a seemingly insignificant introduction - I wrote this: "Hi people I'm Julia, but you can call me Wen, English/Polish. I play as a Bard and I am always ready to help if I can!"

Housing

FFXIV provides a feature for FC's to create their very own house, a community hub for all the members to meet together in game and interact. And just like that Sushi's created its very own mansion.

The house included a reception area, a small comfy longue, a bath house, and a entertainment room. We all spent many many hours hang out at the FC house, chatting, and creating many meaningful memories.

It was an extremely comforting place, I loved sitting in that house, even alone at times, admiring the fact that I am a part of something bigger than myself. I wasn't that lone adventurer anymore, I was the Wen Celestee of Sushi.

Online Christmas

I recall spending the pre Christmas party with my FC. I recall our leader crafting a Christmas jumper for each one of us to wear during the event. We all prepared a small in game meal and sat down together, celebrating not only Christmas, but also our group as a whole.

We spend the night chatting, doing some quiz games, and finally taking a picture of all of us to capture this special moment. It was a fun game night, giving us comfort during COVID as many of us were unable to meet up with their families in order to celebrate.

Fishing

We often enjoyed fishing together as a small activity. I never gave fishing much of a thought prior to meeting my FC. It always seemed so unimportant to me. Why would I sit in a spot for many hours just to click one button and catch a digital fish? Well it was more fun than one could think.

I would often log onto the game just to check a one very special spot - the fishing docks at Limsa Lomasa, one of the major cities within the game. There I would always meet one or two members of our FC, fishing, and waiting for anyone who wishes to chat with them.

I recall many many nights sitting at the docks and chatting about all sorts of things. I particularly remember the night when I sat there alone with our leader and discussed life. He told me he was mid way through his university, nervous about what is to come. He gave me many life advices that night, I will always carry those with me.

The End Of Sushi

But as we all know, all good things come to an end, and so did Sushi. I am unable to find the official announcements, but I did find some thoughts shared by our leader. Unfortunately his life got way too busy in order for him to keep up with us. He felt overwhelmed, and ultimately decided to let us all go our separate ways.

I found my response to the official announcement:

"Thank you Barb for everything, I really appreciate your honesty with us. You truly gave us all a home where we all could feel safe and comfortable. I will always miss the stuff we did together but I understand. I wish you best of luck with your own stuff and I hope to see you back in EndWalker. Till then take care and I hope we can stay in touch."

This was an extremely emotional moment to all of us. I felt like I was punched in the gut. I wasn't sure if the game will ever feel the same to me. I was truly grieving.

After the FC got disbanded, we all went our separate ways, and I lost contact with all of them. Wherever they are I wish them all the best in the world.

New Beginnings

With an end there's always a new beginning. After exploring the world alone for many months I finally found a home with a new group of people. and I am happy to say that my new fc is still around, and so are the people who became my best friends over the years.

I always found it fascinating how every that happened - happened purely by chance.

I met my new friends just by randomly playing the game at 4am in the morning. I recall just teleporting to one of the major cities at night, and a random person approached me. After chatting for a little while he invited me into this new FC.

And just like that I met all of my friends I talk to on daily basis nowadays.

Pre Reflection

I've been playing Final Fantasy now for 5 years. It is... difficult to process that, it doesnt feel like its been that long. I've seen new things come and go into the game, ive seen people getting upset over the new features, i got upset over the new features. I... quit, I came back. Yet I cant truly escape this game. It is something bigger than myself. I will always partly live in that world. However... I must say that as much of a safe space was for me, especially during covid, it was also a double edged sword.

I recall playing the game for 13, 16, even 20 hours straight. And... looking at it now I know for a fact that it is not healthy.

The Reflection: The Double Edged Sword

And still, some nights, I return to the fishing docks alone. The place where we once sat and shared life stories. The place where my world was smaller but felt fuller.

I found solace in this digital sanctuary. But I also lost time. I lost sleep. And some days, I lost myself.

Escapism is not inherently good or bad. It is merely the act of leaving. Sometimes, it saves you. And sometimes, it keeps you from being saved.